So, I started an exercise in 3A.M. Epiphany about POV (or Point-Of-View) and it kinda evolved into a small little project that I started. Mind you, I have more than this, but I really want these two intro paragraphs to be looked over before I continue on. Just tell me what you think... Me personally I feel as though I need to expand these paragraphs, but I don't really know how. Well, that's about it...
It would be a wonderful and historical day—ambassadors from all over the world would be gathering in the White House, to discuss matters of world peace. Very few people besides reporters were granted admission to the building, and security was flawless. Yet, that didn’t preclude people from converging on the White House, and camping on the lurid lawn. It was around 12:30 p.m., and it was about the time that the ambassadors would leave for lunch. Secret Service, of course, made sure that the lobby was clear of civilians, and everything checked out positive. After a few moments, reporters burst through the doors, walking backwards to keep interviewing their respective ambassador. The large mass was almost to the front doors, when heat, fire, and smoke erupted from seemingly nowhere.
The mass explosion rocked the grounds, and straggling reporters ducked under tables, acrid smoke stung their eyes and filled their lungs with every breath. The people on the grounds stared in shock as the pillars toppled over people, and the once pristine White House was now charred and black, its once beautiful masonry was ruined, and the things it represented was shattered, like when someone accidentally drops a mirror--the shards flying everywhere, their horror filled face reflected on each and every piece. Much like it is difficult to pick up the pieces of said mirror; it would be equally as difficult to pick up the pieces of said tragedy.
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Hey Jon,
ReplyDeleteIf you wouldnt mind from now on,
Sign your name at the end,
One,
So we can know who wrote it,
and two,
So shit heads wont steal your work.
Kay thanks for posting!
-Jake
I dont know what the hell you're talking about when you say "bad vocabulary". This might not be pumped full of big words, but honestly, people only do that when they are too insecure. You however, add in some really good words with awesome diction. Sounds professional.
ReplyDeleteAs for the story. It IS good. I like the ideas and the sort of epic eeriness. I think you should add just a little more to this narrative, then abruptly go straight into someones point of view. However, just as a warning, There has been a film made called, "Vantage point" and it was about how someone (I think the president) was assassinated and then it showed everyone's point of view or "vantage point" of the event. Perhaps research this film and know your enemy. Make sure you dont write the same story.
Other wise
Its GOOD
Keep going
I will kill you if you dont.
-Jake
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, Jake. And like I said, Meteor Fall is my main project, and the POV thing is my side project. I'll have to watch Vantage Point, also.
ReplyDelete-Jon
No prob,
ReplyDeleteAnd actually,
I have heard its a pretty crappy movie so, only watch the movie unless you actually want to.
Maybe look it up on Wikipedia. Get the plot down pat, so you know how to make this story different.
But ok,
Keep up updated on Meteor Fall
Post some of it when you're ready.
-Jake