It's funny how things work out, because I remember waking up with the sun poking through the little blocks i call a window, looking at my clock with blurry red numbers that read "12:30." It's so refreshing to wake up and know you'll be spending the day with someone you love. Sometimes, I think to myself, why am I like this? I know, I'm insane. Don't you remember? The days in the spikey dewey grass, the sun beating down on our heads making our faces warm and full of energy, our cheeks meshing together like perfect gears. Our white teeth compared to the green grass, our glowing personalities, everything was okay. It was all alright. We gradually started seeing each other more, I can't begin to explain how happy I was every day to finally get out of my house. I couldn't take it there anymore, It was like a prison. Don't you remember? The days we had spending time on the swings going back and forth yelling over the squeaks of them. So carefree, so full of ramen and maccorroni and cheese.

Little kids, it what we were, and that's how it would always be. Bubblegum, lollipops, Pepsi, candle lit dinners. I loved those days. Reflecting back on this, I can't believe it all flashed before my eyes. So fast. So quick, so bumpy. Holding hands with our hoodies interfering with our fingers connecting like we want them to. Walking on a dirt road laughing and calling each other names. The streetlights watching us like the clouds would. Walking on hay down towards the spot. Our silhouettes, the back of our heads looking at the landscape of the city with the sky pink and purple and the city looking at us, smiling and us smiling back.

Do you remember? Or has it faded? We didn't kill this off like you smear the font on a magazine with water. We're not folded and bent like old photographs, or old books. Swallowing our compassion along with some summertime popsicles. Watching the shitty fireworks explode downtown, I'm not sure what to do.

The tunnel. The park.

It's all so warm, I remember now. I'm so ecstatic. To spend time smelling the laundry detergent on your clothing. To smell broccoli and cheese in your hair. The wind it picks up gradually and it starts to rain. We're soaked from head to toe now. For once, I'm actually happy. I'm not sure what this is supposed to represent but the sidewalks are a darkish gray today and I'm smiling from ear to ear as I watch my feet walk from left to right. It's so miserable and rainy outside, I can't help but to laugh.

Don't you remember? I hit you. I beat you. I'm abusive. I pulled your hair until strands of curly hair fell to the ground. I bit you until my teeth marks showed up splotchy and purple. I hit you until your skin felt as if you just got burned by the burner on an oven.
Don't you remember? You can't feel bad If I cry puddles at a time. You can't feel sorry for me, you'll be like every other person. The world revolves and so do I. I haven't asked much from you other than some courage and some heart.
I figured If I wrote this, I could let go of the majority of my anger. But all this did was bring out filthy tears filled with salt. Burning my pores, and burning my cheeks. Dripping onto my pants leaving dark spots. Splashing everywhere.

How do I tell you this. How are you going to read this.
Sometimes, I scare myself.
Sometimes, I can't write.
Sometimes, I'm too paranoid.
Sometimes, I'm a bitch.
I'm heartless.
It's time to run
To run, like the wind.

-kayla