Thursday, October 29, 2009

Little Boy

The world has come to a series of ghettos and off limits junk yards.

I get my ass kicked every day.

My dad is gone.

I have 1234 dollars.

This is life buddy…





It's 6:31 and I've lived in this ghetto for a total of four hours. I made friends! Their names are Ervin Drake and Jamie Myers. They're two guys who were walking up the street while I was sitting on my porch. And before I knew it my money was all spent with the exception of 20 dollars.

First they asked me if I wanted a cigarette. And seeing as though I have had no friendships for the entirety of my life I decided it would be fine.

I coughed violently for ten minutes. The smoke engulfs your throat and tickles. That's what happened to me at least.


So I've saved up this money since I was about six. I wanted a fucking trampoline so bad. And I got a cliché answer from my parents. So I saved money from birthdays, from those random times a grandparent offers you some cash. Only catch is I never bought that trampoline. But the two guys…said they would make me a god. Said I would be invincible, like superman. If I just offered them the money. I secretly kept those twenty dollars from myself. I told them I had 1214 dollars. I think they believe me.


They take me to some woods. We walked down the streets like thugs. It was weird…gave me a sense of…belonging. "This is what makes you superman" Jamie says. Once the bag was removed from his back he pulls out a large freezer bag full of some plant and a vial of colorful pills. And I wonder That's the shit my money went to! "Trust me man its good." I guess he realized I was surprised by the look on my face.


My father had this necklace. A chain. With a miraculous medal on it. The Virgin Mary's figure was carved into it. That's all I remember.


Ervin rolled the some of the green plant he called "marijuana" in a brown wrapping. When he was done he had a tight brown stick he called a "blunt". Jamie took one of the pills. Ervin lit the "blunt". I inhaled it after him. Now I coughed when I smoked a cigarette. But I nearly died after smoking the blunt. It stung not tickled.


I feel dead. Everything sounds as if in slow motion. Jamie said he was "tripping balls" and Ervin said he was "stoned" and that I was too. "You're fucking high bro…" he said painfully with a lung full of smoke. I felt terrible. I couldn't get up. I felt light headed. I felt like everything as a movie. And deep down…I knew it was great.


"Wanna see something cool man?" Jamie says. And I say, "Hell yeah."


"This is the shit the government doesn't want you to see." Jamie smiles at me and crawls under the fence. There's a hole that nobody notices that goes right under the fence allowing you enough space to crawl under. And when I get up I don't know if it was the plant or the pills but there were bodies. On crosses. Face down, naked in water. Fat ones, skinny ones, black ones, white ones, all dead ones. And there was a pile of bones sitting alone. And on his neck…


DAMN! FUCK! The Virgin Mary staring at me. Telling me its alright.


They beat me and left me with the bodies. They took my twenty dollars. Soon I walk home.


All I think about is the bodies…of Jamie and Ervin's fist. I sit in my room…like a pile of bones.    


 

So this wasn't that great. I've had writers block for a long time. This was my best attempt though.

See if you like it…I'm trying to get better….


 

-Jake

The Legend of the Tell-Tale Heart

    We took a drive. A casual one. A usual one. We drove up to the mountains. The winding road ahead was constantly shifting in and out of view. I didn't eat before I left home. I didn't really feel like it. Now I was having a cigarette on an empty stomach. She watched. I cried. She stared as I wept. We stopped at a rest stop. We made love. I continued to drive. We made it a few miles. I stopped to piss. She didn't have to. I got back in the car. She was sleeping. I held her hand. I started driving.

    She was still asleep. I took her out of the car. I cried harder than ever. Dirt flew. Metal glinted in the moonlight. A windless night—a perfect one. My vision was blurred. I shoved her. She took it. I left. I drove back down the mountain. I stopped at the rest stop. I had a cigarette. Now I had time. All the time in the world.

    At home, I slept. I slept sound, considering what happened. I tossed and turned. I couldn't handle it anymore. It was killing me. I felt like that guy, in that story. Or was it a poem? I couldn't remember it at the moment. It was the one with the heart. The heart underneath the floorboards. Or was it a body? And the guy heard the heartbeat. And he went crazy. That's what I was. I heard the heartbeat. I heard it and it was driving me insane. I cried. I laughed. I cried again. I screamed. No longer could I bear it. No longer could my own heart take it. It couldn't take the knowledge. It couldn't take the sound.

    I hit the wall. I hit it as hard as I could. Broke my hand. Didn't feel pain. Now I do. I kicked the wall. Broke my toenails. Didn't feel that too. Now I feel that, too. The silence choked me. The sound swallowed me. I tried to fight it. I tried to hit it back. I cut myself. I tried to end it. I took pills. I threw it all up. I drank. I threw that all up too. I felt no love. I felt no pity. I felt no sadness. I was light. I was drifting. I smiled. I tore out some hair. I clawed my face. I laughed. It was joyous. I loved it. I hated it.

    I killed it. I killed her. I buried her. 6 feet deep and 7 feet wide. A part of Mother Earth. I was guilty. I confessed. I called the cops. They came. I broke my hand, I clawed my face. I cut my wrists, I threw up. I broke my toenails, I tore out my hair. They saw me. I cried. They injected me. I felt… still…

    I awoke in a hospital. The white room slightly blinded me as I stared around at the walls. I didn't want to be in this dreadful place, but I knew I had to. I was pretty banged up, and the doctors said that I was in terrible shape. They said that I was lucky to be alive. I cried again, but it hurt. After I recovered, I thought they would send me to jail. They didn't. They sent me to a mental hospital. There I stayed for several years. I forgot the sound of anything good on television. I forgot the taste of the outside air. I forgot the exhilarating feeling as I crested the hill on a rollercoaster. I missed the wind in my hair, and the sound and sights of cars.

    I finally got home. They gave me these pills that make me feel great. I don't remember much of what happened that night, just bits and pieces, like photographs. I only remember certain pictures or clips of that night. I hope the pills they gave me take those pictures away. I couldn't stand to know why I was suddenly alone. I couldn't stand to know why people avoided me in my neighborhood. I hated them. I hated them all. But, for some reason I didn't. I didn't hate them all. In fact, I loved them dearly. I loved them as if I was their father, and they were my children. I loved them to death. I still don't know why, but I'm trying to figure it out. I'm trying to piece my life back together. I'll never do drugs, I'll never drink. I'll never have sex, I'll never own a pet. I'll never have kids, I'll never have a wife. Because I'm afraid. Not afraid of having sex, or doing drugs. I'm not afraid of having kids, a wife, and a cute little dog. I'm not afraid of them, I'm afraid for them. Afraid of what I could do. Afraid of what I've done.

    Sometimes at night, I awake with a start. I think that I can hear that heartbeat. When that happens, I go to the bathroom and wash my face. I take a pill, and calm down. I close my eyes, and when I open them, I can swear that I see her. I can swear for a split second that I see her and in her eyes, all the shit I've done bores into my heart. And my heart beats. It beats quicker than ever. It beats furiously in my chest, and I think I'll have a heart attack. But I soon realize that she isn't there and I shake my head. I lay back down in bed and close my eyes. However, my heart would still be beating. Slower, now that I've lied down. However, I can hear it. I don't feel the thumping, but I can hear it. The beating of the Tell-Tale Heart.


 

This is what I've written. I don't really know, I like it a lot. Tell me what you think!

--Jon